The real reason women say I’m fine when they are not

We’ve all been through it before. Your partner asks you what’s wrong, and you say, “nothing” and give them attitude for the next hour. You try to let it go, but after time passes, he says something, and you somehow contort it into a conversation about why you’re actually pissed off.

We can turn almost any conversation into the one we want to have. How do we do this? By these dreaded lines: “I just think it’s funny how…” or “Isn’t it interesting how…” I know I’ve done this before. I’m upset, and I don’t want to say why, so I lead my boyfriend on a wild goose chase to figure it out. Why? Well, because in my opinion, he should already know what he’s done wrong.

However, instead of telling them why you’re upset, your get super defensive. The problem isn’t that we are passive-aggressive or cop an attitude. The problem is that we have been socialized to not speak up and say what’s on our minds. We don’t want to cause conflict, but we still want to be heard. We say, “I’m fine.” We want it to be known that our feelings have been hurt without giving up the small amount of power we have in hetero-relationships.

The reason is clear: patriarchy. We have been trained to believe that we “shouldn’t” be upset or that our feelings won’t be validated because “women are hormonal, crazy bitches.” We’re all young and stupid, and we have hang ups over silly things. Men can be just as petty, insecure and sensitive to what their partner does. Somehow, though, they are seen as “strong and protective” rather than “psycho and emotional.” Double standard? I think so. Ladies, you need to remember that your feelings are always valid.

I’m sick and tired of watching TV shows or stand-up comedians talk about “the old ball and chain” and how “sensitive” women are. Being sensitive is not a negative trait but has somehow been confused with “weak,” which is why men hate being associated with the term. So, speak up. I’m learning to, and it’s been quite the process. It feels awkward at first, but then it feels surprisingly really empowering to take control of the situation rather than just passively react to it.

Don’t feel like you’re being too sensitive or petty because you’re hurt by something your man did. You matter. No one wants to admit it, but by saying, “You hurt me,” you’re really saying, “I gave you the power to hurt me, and you let me down.” When you care about someone, you are bound to get hurt sometimes. “Oh, you had lunch with her? Whatever, sleep with her for all I care.”

We both know that’s not true, and we all know you actually do care. It’s not our fault that our importance or feelings have been minimized or walked over. It makes it difficult for us to be vulnerable with people, but playing games or being passive doesn’t help the situation at all. “I just think it’s funny how you’re so busy, yet you somehow have the time to have lunch with her.”

You don’t need to “Houdini” the conversation to be heard; just be honest. Have a constructive conversation. You are a strong, beautiful woman who any man (or woman) would be lucky to have, and don’t ever feel like your feelings don’t matter. By bottling up your anger or sadness, it starts to come out in unhelpful ways, like passive-aggressive jabs and sarcastic comments.

There is no way to move forward in a relationship or work on things that you may be unhappy with unless there are open channels of communication. If you are honest with them and they still don’t see your perspective or minimize how you feel or even make you feel stupid for feeling the way you do, then dump their ass and find someone who values you and your feelings. And remember, don’t ever confuse vulnerability for weakness.

It’s an incredible sign of strength to open yourself up to another person knowing you might get hurt. It’s courageous and admirable.

credit:citifmonline

Publish on Apt

Do you have any Social, informational, educational or entertaining stuff that should be featured on www.aptnewsghana.com?

Please submit your stories, pictures, and videos to us via WhatsApp: +233548388489 or click on the icon on your screen. Alternatively, email us: aptnewsghana@gmail.com

RSS APO Group – Africa-Newsroom: latest news releases related to Africa

  • U.S. Government supports early grade learning in local languages with Minister of Education and Human Development February 21, 2020
    Download logoThe U.S. Government proudly participated in an official ceremony celebrating International Mother Languages Day in Matutine District of Maputo Province.  The U.S. Government was represented at the event by United States Agency for International Development (USAID) Mission Director Jennifer Adams, while Minister of Education and Human Development (MINEDH) Carmelita Rita Namashulua represented the Government […]
  • U.S. Embassy Burkina Faso Welcomes Three New Nouveaux Horizons (NH) Ambassadors February 21, 2020
    Download logoOn February 14, 2020, the American Center at the Embassy of the United States of America in Burkina Faso welcomed three new Nouveaux Horizons (NH) ambassadors to its Public diplomacy family. Nouveaux Horizons translates books by American authors into French, markets them in French-speaking Africa, and distributes them to American embassies who use them […]
  • African Development Bank issues call to strengthen fertilizer value chains at Argus Africa Fertilizer Conference February 21, 2020
    The African Development Bank (https://www.AfDB.org) urged development finance institutions, NGOs, farmer cooperatives, and the private sector to develop more effective financing solutions for Africa’s fertilizer value chains. The Bank’s call to action came during the Argus Africa Fertilizer Conference held on 19 February. The conference’s theme was Supporting the fertilizer value chain to improve agricultural […]
  • South Africa (SA) sides determined to bounce back on Guinness PRO14 tour February 21, 2020
    Download logoThe Toyota Cheetahs and Isuzu Southern Kings will have their sights set on bouncing back strongly from disappointing defeats last week when they line up against Ulster and the Scarlets in their second tour matches in the Guinness PRO14 this weekend. The Toyota Cheetahs, in particular, will be under pressure to register a win […]
  • Ringier Africa Digital Publishing (RADP) unifies all its brands under the company name PULSE February 21, 2020
    Ringier Africa Digital Publishing (RADP) (RADP.Africa), one of Africa’s leading media groups is unifying its assets across the continent - to form one integrated media company under the Pulse brand. With the unification, the former RADP group of assets will now be known collectively as Pulse (Pulse.Africa) across Africa. Its digital media arm 'Pulse' will […]
  • In 12 months, Sahel violence displaces more than 700,000 in Burkina Faso February 21, 2020
    Download logoThis is a summary of what was said by UNHCR spokesperson Andrej Mahecic – to whom quoted text may be attributed – at today’s press briefing at the Palais des Nations in Geneva. UNHCR, the UN Refugee Agency, and partners are facing severe challenges in accessing and responding to the needs of the internally […]
  • Ebola virus disease – Democratic Republic of the Congo February 21, 2020
    Download logoDuring the past week, the incidence of new Ebola virus disease (EVD) cases has remained low (Figure 1). From 12 to 18 February, one new confirmed case was reported. The case was reported in Beni Health Zone, North Kivu Province and had an epidemiological link to a confirmed case reported on 5 February. As […]
  • Prosperity Fund’s Future Cities Programme launches in South Africa February 21, 2020
    Download logoThe UK Prosperity Fund, in partnership with Future Cities South Africa is launching their Future Cities Programme in three of South Africa’s major city municipalities: Cape Town, Johannesburg and Durban. The Global Future Cities Programme is an £80 million programme, one of the several global programmes run through Prosperity Fund, sets out opportunities to […]
  • “Our goal is to surpass developed countries,” African Development Bank VP tells fourth industrial revolution forum February 21, 2020
    Download logoAfrica is not only ready for the fourth industrial revolution. It is set to outdo the achievements of the developed world. That was one of the messages that emerged at a seminar hosted by the African Development Bank (AfDB.org) at its headquarters in Abidjan. The event attracted Ivorian and regional ministers as well as […]
  • Minister for Development Cooperation and Foreign Trade Ville Skinnari to visit Tanzania and Mozambique February 21, 2020
    Download logoMinister Ville Skinnari will visit Tanzania on 23–25 February and Mozambique on 26–28 February. During the visit, the Minister will learn about Finland's development cooperation in the two countries and have meetings with their political leadership. The visit will also promote commercial cooperation between Finland and these countries. Minister for Development Cooperation and Foreign […]